The recovery process, that is, of anorexia.
Let me start by talking about my physical recovering. I have gained just around 15 pounds and am finally at a healthy weight. After two years of living on the brink of death, I am at a healthy weight and I feel stronger than ever.
This past year I was banned from the gym because obviously it was unhealthy for a 95 pound girl who was eating 500 calories a day to be working out. At the time I didn’t see that, but now I really do. BUTTTT when summer ended this year I finally got back to it. I wasn’t at a healthy weight, no, but fitness has always been my passion. Always. Even pre-ED (eating disorder). And so, since it was my passion, I thought that it would encourage me to get better… and that’s exactly what it did. I ditched the cardio and instead I did some strength and I ate. I ate. And something else I ditched — the scale. Every day I would make sure to step on that scale 7+ times. But every day got easier as I got stronger and my passion for life and for fitness grew… and now I go multiple days in a row without stepping on a scale. And when I do step on a scale, I take a deep breath. Of course anorexia comments, but I simply acknowledge that voice and then pass it by and move on. Because that’s something I’ve learned to do. And as of yesterday, I’m about a healthy 109-111 pounds… AHHH THAT’S CrAZY!!! I feel so strong. Oh yes, how could I forget? — I’ve finally been able to take on LIFTING (aka my greatest passion and hobby everrrrr). Of course I’m only able to squat and deadlift 95 lbs right now, but still. The rush is just indescribable. I cannot wait to get stronger.
I still haven’t gotten my period but I just last week got an ultrasound done on my ovaries to kind of see if they’re kinda close to doin’ that thang that they do yanno? I haven’t gotten those results yet. I also was diagnosed with osteopenia but I’m treating that by lifting and strength training to try and get those bones a bit stronger 🙂
Welllll, this blog post is probably way too long by now SO I will make a separate one soon about my mental recovery 🙂
I hope you’re living strong today!!