What am I up to??

Holaaaaaaaa beautiful people of the world. I hope that this first week of 2017 has been KICK BUTT FOR YOU!!! If not, lemme share a little something with you — YOU have the power to make it kick butt! All of it! All 365 days! It’s all about your mindset. Bad things happen, life is so difficult sometimes — that’s inevitable… something you don’t have control over. But something you do have control over is how you handle things and what you do. 

^ that right there is a lil something I picked up in therapy a couple of years ago 😎

Anyway, I thought I’d share with y’all what I’m up to in this lovely first month of the new year. 

First off: I am WEIGHT RESTORED!!! EEEEEEEEEKKKKKK! I’m not at the weight I was before ED hit me, but I’m right where I need to be right now.. right where my body wants me to be. And that’s a healthy range for at 5’2″, 17 year old girl such as myself 🙂 

I’m actually trying to eat a lot more at the moment… 5 whole meals a day, at about 2000 or more calories! IT. IS. HARD!!! But not impossible ;). I’ve been waking up earlier, sometimes throwing in that morning cardio right after meal 1. Meal 1 this morning was quite random but I enjoyed it: a slice of cinnamon raisin Ezekiel bread, toasted with creamy Crazy Richard’s peanut butter (mega heart eyes), a babybel cheese, and a couple of apple slices with peanut butter. I didn’t do morning cardio today because I woke up sick 😦 So, today is an unplanned rest day– and that’s quite alright. Listening to your body is what matters most. ANYWAY, mid morning I have meal 2, which today was chicken breast, a kale and quinoa blend, and green beans. 

Meal 3 is when I get home from school (my first day back was today, so this is all experimental regarding the school schedule), usually at about 2:30. Today I really, really wasn’t feeling well and had a cup of Amy’s organic lentil and vegetable soup whilst watching the office in layers of clothes (because I have the chills, not because it’s cold out.. because if isn’t. At all. This is Florida for goodness sake). Needless to say that I’m slacking today in all all but one department — listening to my body. My macros might be whacky today and my caloric intake might be low, but it’s so awesome to know that it’s because im sick… that sounds strange, I know. But I’m sick. Like a normal person sick. I’m not sick from anorexia. Not anymore. And now I can listen to my body and anorexia is not controlling me through being ill today. In the past, I remember Ana would see this as an opportunity to strike big time. In fact, this past summer I fell ill with a stomach bug in IOP treatment and I was able to eat… but I didn’t. Because I didn’t have the mindset that I do today. I relied on anorexia and ended up dropping about 10 pounds that I couldn’t afford to lose. BUT NO NO NOOOO, NOT TODAY MY FRIENDZZZ. Today I am sick and I am PROUD because I am taking care of myself!!!

ANYWAY, geeez… I went off on another tangent, I apologize. 

Let’s talk macros.

Regarding macros, I am seeing what works best for me. I’ve tried low carb (but not too low), high fat… I’ve tried high carb. Right now I’m at a mix of about 35% C, 35% F, and 30% protein. I’m really trying to up that protein and reduce those carbs because I’d like to try that kind of mix. Point is, is that it’s all experimental at the moment. It’ll be a journey 🙂

I’m going to the gym on the daily, sometimes twice a day. Because I LOVE IT, because it’s my passion — not to punish myself anymore. 

Yesterday I hit a PR when squatting and deadlifting… 105 pounds 🙂 not a whole lot, I know. But I’m taking it slow and focusing heavily on my form. Which apparently is quote on quote “perfect”… the manager of my gym watched me and said that it was perfect. Also, last week the most “macho” man in the gym (he literally lives there, I swear) talked to me at the cables on arm day and he asked me if I trained myself or if I got professionally trained. I told him I basically taught myself, thinking “oh, he can probably tell because my form is so off”. But nope. He said, “well your form is perfect” and I literally reared up so insanely… I looked crazy. He asked how old I was and I said I was 17. He said, “well your form is just perfect. Some of the guys and I have been watching you and your form is perfect. You’re gonna be good.” I understand that that might sound a bit creepy but… it wasn’t. It was so touching to me. Because I used to be so weak because of ED and now? Now I am the strongest I have EVER been. It’s just incredible. 

Also, I’d like to point out that I’ve been eating BALANCED. I DO have sugar. I’m not really into processed foods or chips or processed snacks of any such but sugar… suuuuggaarrr. So, I don’t deprive myself. After this PR was hit, I had some kitty litter cake (I’ll explain later… it’s actual cake though, don’t worry) and ice cream. Like a boss. Like a person 😎

I’ve still got meal 4 and 5 to work on today. Meal 4 is usually dinner and meal 5 is usually either some sweet stuff or something else. 

Have a great day my friends 🙂 live balanced, live well, and live STRONG 💜

2 thoughts on “What am I up to??

  1. lexydragonfly says:

    Excellent! One of the most difficult things for me to deal with after I was weight restored (last time) was maintaining. It was like I was okay if I was losing and okay if I was being forced to gain but to be normalized and maintaining was so hard. I’m so proud of your achievements and recovery, as well as your honestly admitting how difficult it all is.

    It really appears you are on the right road. I used to be an athlete and your balance of nutrients is perfect for that! Go you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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